Category Archives: sex

Random thoughts

Why do dogs run into the middle of the road like they are bitten by some parasite? They seem lunatic, majorly brain affected & the rascals nearly make us skip our heart beat. They run in, screech & run back? for what?

Have you noticed how the crows in Bombay, Mumbai city are demanding territory, forcibly taking it over, encroaching like the SS, MNS & throwing out other birds?? They chase away the other birds. Like as if the sparrows, other birds are migrants….huh

Why do Indians feed ‘chana’ beans that trigger diarrhoea, stomach problems to birds? Especially the pigeons. There are many rather countless of poor people who can cook curry with that grain…rather beans. Instead they feed those stupid pigeons who crap all over the city.

As if this stupidity is not enough, the cows, buffaloes & bulls are fed the worst grass ever. Cows are holy in this land. But they are dirty, unhygienic, they shit a lot & dirty the place. On top of that for washing our own sins, silly Indians feed cows grass, & more grass…the cows keep shitting. I think they too must be dying of gastro. No one ever tests how & why cows, buffaloes die in India.

Do mosquitoes bite dogs & cats? They roam around freely in the gutter, by lanes & garbage of the city. If i sit in the garden i am hounded by swarm of mosquitoes.

Do rhinoceros, Bison & Hippopotamus die of diabetes & obesity? they are soo humongous ya. They look they will burst open.

How to differentiate between male & female crow, pigeon, egrets, cats? Coz until cats get pregnant you can’t decipher. Others are sooo confused & as a result confusing to us humans…difficult to understand the birds & bees of animal kingdom.

I know dogs get epilepsy, now heard they get heart attack. Do animals get paralysis attacks? Do they go in comatose condition? DO they suffer from other ailments?? like diabetes??

does a caterpillar taken out from the garden…put in a in-house box with soil, water & sufficient grass & sun grow into a butterfly & fly away? When i was a child i removed all my pencils, pens all that junk fm ma pencil box, put wet mud, grass, covered the box with paper & made holes, which i stuck with sellotape later…put 3 caterpillars to scientifically watch them grow into butterflies, i was given a beating of my life…scolded, the stuff thrown into our building garden & caterpillars sent free. I thought science was self-learning through experimentation….guess it was all mugging NO learning…

Have you seen mosquitoes mating?? eeks i know but i wonder if they mate or multiply from our blood. As a kid when i’d watch Hindi movies they would show 2 flowers coming together in a cling type. Yes, i’d wait for the wind to blow & think ok now the flowers will have sex….don’t laugh it was when i was a child…& in my mind visions, pictures, colours always stayed imprinted….

Sex over coffee

There is a saying at the Café Coffee Day or CCD as its called here in India – “A lot can happen over coffee.” This is their slogan, which I say is true.

Really a lot happens over coffee. People engage in long conversations, sit staring into each other’s eyes for hours; some others indulge in long drawn out debates or discussions and many simply sit around staring into space. Many others strum guitars, come in groups to chill & enjoy, some for intense personal conversations and generally a lot happens over coffee.

Initially when my friends would force me to go with them because I am not much of a coffee drinker. Rather I detest coffee. I get totally turned on by the brewing smell of tea, chaai. I was most disturbed when I went over to the US. I could smell a Starbucks or any other coffee from a distance of miles…my stomach would churn. It still does, but much less now.

Hence when we would all meet I had to first deal with a severe churning stomach…over a period of time I began adjusting & preparing myself mentally. Coz I think the mind controls all our senses. Last few years even in our office I’ve had to adjust to sipping some absolutely milky (I detest milk) coffee, since I can’t bear to drink ready made milky tea form a machine.

Now this far too milky coffee drinking would go one for hours. I prefer eating at these cafés –one gets good snacks & more so great pastries. Over a period of time I realised one needs to ‘look’ busy at these cafés rather than eat or drink anything. So like in Pune’s Vaishali & Rupali cafés what the Brahmin kids do, is what one needs to do at the coffee shops. Here we all go & buy our coffees or drinks together. Instead like the Brahmin kids one must order one coffee at a time, sit sipping it or like a scotch nurse it for over hours, then according to me we ‘look’ busy & are spending money.

The young college kids know how to wisely spend their money & divide more time at the cafés. They strum guitars, stare for long into each other’s eyes.

I love one hobby & that is to observe people pass on the streets. And with this observation one morning at Andheri opposite fame ad labs Anne & I sat at a CCD. We were waiting on a friend. We were sitting in the air-conditioned section & suddenly we saw a yucky man…the typical pimp, gigolo looking types.

Yes these gigolo, pimp types are recognisable in India. This one was straight out of a Hindi film…the gigolo pimp shady looking character.

Most of the pimps have ugly coloured streaks or colours on their hair, they were gold earrings, they have thick gold bracelet flashy in every sense of the word. They are on their cell phone which is not one…they speak in code language & are loud.

We saw one Russian whore…to be politically correct, a Russian sex worker walk in the porch wt a trolley bag. She was white that’s about it. Not great looks –well ofcourse I am aware looks has nothing to do with sex! Especially as regards many Indian men are concerned, they are more interested in the colour, whatever may be in front of them. The pimp kept himself busy on the cell & was networking all the while. In few minutes we saw a typical Marawari businessman walk in….a fat slob, in a shiny shirt, tight pants, bursting out of his clothes (I’m sure by now he was, considering he was close to fulfilling his dream of sleeping with a white woman) and chewing the famous paan…how can even their wives sleep with them is a question I always have.

Anne & I sat looking bewildered, since the whole sex call unfolded in front of our eyes. We were like she is a hooker & this businessman wants her & the pimp was striking the deal. Yes, hands were shaken, money exchanged between the pimp & the Russian walked away wt the Maru dragging her trolley behind.

Sure besides love, singing & staring, sex seems to have happened over the coffee. Yes, the pimp had ordered a coffee and sat showing he was interested in it!

Sex & the scandal involving custom's officers

If they weren’t customs officials, would we have even bothered with the Lonavala ‘orgy’?

Now we all have read in the newspapers about how the Pune police raided a private party in a bungalow in Lonavala. Now the fact that the partygoers were customs officials prompted the journalist to tip off the police. Two courier agents tipped off the journo…and so the vicious cycle turned.
The cynics are already claiming that the customs officials must have, at some point, done
something to the agents, and prompted this backlash. The gory details of the ‘orgy’ are all over the place. But why did these agents post bail for the officials and the ‘dancers’.
I object to our police becoming moral gatekeepers, or upholders as it is known, especially since the news is rife with corrupt policemen, some dabble in bigamy and others keep mistresses.
The first party bust-up was the rave party in Lonavala. There were many young BPO workers caught with drugs. I do NOT believe the police. Having covered the crime beat for over a decade I empathise with the police force, and have sympathy for their cause, but I strongly believe they can tamper, infiltrate, plant, etc. I am not insinuating that they did so in the Lonavala rave party case, but the way the police busted that party seemed ludicrous then and even in this case.
These are private lives. Who sleeps with whom, who goes for an orgy, is a private affair.
In the case of the customs officials, these were all adults. None of the girls claimed they were forced into any sexual act. It was mutual consent. All the customs officials and girls are above 18. Yet, the middle class believes they have the right to decide what sort of behaviour should be allowed, and what shouldn’t.
To make matters worse, the officials have been arrested for the most hilarious crime: Public nuisance (when did a private bungalow become public?) and obscenity. Who decides what’s obscene? Should Bollywood producers and directors also be arrested, for ‘item’ numbers?
Of course, one other allegation is that the officials possessed ‘blue’ films which they watched to the sounds of DJ music. I shudder to think how regressive we are becoming as a society. The worst part is that none of these allegations will hold in a court. The only thing that may make the judge sit up and take notice is that custom officials were involved.
When I was going to college in the 80s, the police rarely, if ever, raided college premises. As teenagers we had house parties every second day. A friend of mind and I would have drinks in the presence of parents, who were there to supervise us and ensure we girls were protected, and did nothing untoward.
We would have music on and would dance. The parents, uncles, and aunties all were part of it. Yes, some romances started at these parties and ended there. There was nothing immoral in these acts.
And what’s with our pre-occupation with ‘blue’ films? A friend of mine, would take me to a video parlour in a posh part of South Mumbai where I would witness housewives come asking for X-rated films, which would be then wrapped in newspaper and handed over to them. What’s so vulgar about that?
The main issue here is mutual consent, of which there, as of writing this, was. In fact, how many journalists, who frequent the city’s pubs and bars, are in possession of a liquor permit? No stings about that. But being a journalist myself I have a few questions regarding this case: Who booked the bungalow? Who posted the bail? Why? How did over 20 officials get time off at the same time? Who sanctioned their leave? How did they procure the girls? Where did the funds come from?
Now these are the issues I would like to know the answers to, not who slept with whom, and what clothes they wore.