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Aug 2

Sometimes one plans something, but life has other plans in store for each person. I never would’ve have imagined 2 of my best friends would NOT be around despite making big plans & promising to be there for each other. Yes, old age plans of taking care of one another other…. god or nature or life had other plans for these two angels of mine -Kartik & Chetan. They left me & went off…

First Kartik passed away..one of Chetan’s best plays (i think it brought out all his energy, chutzpa & passion) Jungle mein mangal was staged…Then Chetan fell ill severely & we’d talk of a lot of things, as usual reg our life, plans, future…He told me not to pin my hopes on the Rotary intnl scholarship since it would be time consuming. He insisted i go back to television. He’d say, “I don’t know what u will do & where u will go, but go back on tv…u’re made for it…do some old people’s ads & he’d burst out laughing, But you shld go back to TV.” he left us all & this planet…in that one yr i got selected for the Intnl Rotary scholarship, they wanted me to go for the 2 yr stint, i opted for 4 months..returned to salary cut, pay loss of 4 months, but had managed to retain my job..wondered what I will do…

this Aug 2, was the 2nd anniversary for Chetan. It was my new job as i was to return to tv news! Yes i know chetan wld’ve been thrilled to bits…kartik wld’ve said here goes my mama again…no one will marry her…abso nutty…Chetan’s eldest bro’ Milind was over the top (He is on occassions…but listening to the joining date he was near to tears). He had insisted Aug 2 shld be my joining date & told him its the HR of NewsX that has to decide. I was all mixed in my stomach wt all sorts of emotions…

butterflies, wc i think is a v good indication for me. That means i’m not confident or over confident…little extra alert..weak coz i was getting fever…apprehensive because of the new place, abso new environment. After 5yrs i was being my old self wanting to take a risk despite a huge EMI…plus slightly emotional, though it can never be seen on my face….it was Chetan’s 2nd anniversary. There was some play planned by Avishkar for that day, but there was NO way i was going there. Guess nature had other plans for me.

I fell ill, got malaria & began shivering in the office itself. I was weak, got no time to think at all. I remembered the date…but I am a little finicky about these events…i believe life has to go on…there is not a single day of my life that goes when I don’t remember Kartik or Chetan. Their photographs are atop of my book shelf…i see their faces before i shut my eyes at night..i strongly they are seeing from top…my angels that they are..but last few weeks i have been feeling little lost..i miss them, i miss talking to them..most of all Chetan..

i also feel scared off late..i’ve been around..there for family whether parents, siblings or Chetan/Kartik (they were my family). But i hope i will have someone to be there for me…hope i am not left alone..it gets lonely sometimes.